i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
