well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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