Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
