Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
