Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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