Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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