there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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