she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
