the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
