I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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