This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
