mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
