I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
