yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
