woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
