every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
