Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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