dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
