I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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