I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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