he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
porn star boner night. come get it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize