I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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