Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
