Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
