If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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