it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Come see our sink grown plant.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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