i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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