this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
