hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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