I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
