I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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