One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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