I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
