Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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