I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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