i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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