bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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