I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
