So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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