quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize