i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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