the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
