cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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