I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
