I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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