well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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