I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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