What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
