why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Can Purell be used as lube?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
