I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
