I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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