we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
