i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
