but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
