I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
