If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
