Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
