Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
