Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
