Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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